fangirlmarena asked: #3 is one of many reasons why I haven’t gotten into the whole ~tumblr ndn community~ thing. There are a few people who I remember saying some truly fucked up shit during the whole black ndn imbroglio back in November, which was right when I was just getting back into tumblr. That shit hurt, and I haven’t forgotten it. And, some of these people seem to be really popular with the self-proclaimed “tumblr ndn community.” So, I’ll pass on that shit. I’m used to feeling left out of Native shit anyway.
Yes.
I have struggled with this a lot. I use the #NDN hashtag because it’s important for me to claim it and to contribute to what the definition of it is / can be — and it has meaning for me outside of Tumblr. Plus, I do feel community with folks - but in my head that list is very clear. My NDN community is not the same as THE #NDN community. It can’t be. Community is a two-way street and there are folks who have made it really clear that they want to keep us on the outside.
There are a lot of folks that are hella complacent with all the anti-Black (Native) shit and I’ve really run out of my patience for this. Cecily could post a great article or commentary on tumblr and folks would not reblog it because they feel like she’s done too much hurtful/disrespectful shit to be taken seriously or supported. But when it comes to folks saying anti-Black shit, it seems like it’s only the Black Natives and a handful (seriously, 1 hand) of our allies that remember who said what and who never once fucking took any responsibility for their actions.
Like, it’s all fine and good if you want to tell me that you’re sorry that folks are being fucked up and saying anti-Black shit but WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SHOW THEM THAT THIS WON’T BE TOLERATED. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SHUT THIS SHIT DOWN? WHY ARE YOU WAITING ON US TO TELL YOU WHEN SHIT IS FUCKED UP?
I would die of shock if Native folks that aren’t Black started to become the ones that called out the anti-Black shit in the “community”. I tried to make a list of folks that have really held others accountable for more than just one day and Poemsofthedead was the only one that I could think of. I mean, I’m sure I’m missing people —- I know that I am —- but it’s a real fucking struggle to make that list.
And I’m so not asking folks to hold grudges - I want to be clear about that before I get people in my ask box. I’m talking about accountability. I feel like we’ve been given the silent “… get over it…” from folks. Seriously though, if folks don’t understand why this is “still an issue — please just unfollow me right now. And maybe send me a message so I can unfollow you too.
I am just so exhausted by all of this.
In the realest of ways. I started writing this and I burst into tears. It honestly feels like it doesn’t matter what we do - we’re always going to be on the outside.
All of this right here gets to the heart of why I’ve been very wary of the “tumblr NDN community” that I’ve seen form. And, I thank Jal for putting it so eloquently and putting her heart into it because it’s an emotional issue.
For my entire life I’ve always been made to feel less than, been denied my indigeneity, and been subject to some of the worst anti-black prejudice from other Native people. It’s probably a matter of proximity since I attended a tribal school, but I’ve been called a nigger, a nigger bitch, been made bullied, physically and emotionally, for everything from my apparent smell to my hair, my skin tone, the way I speak and anything else that marked me as black. I was made to feel ashamed of and hate my blackness, and I internalized a lot of that shit. It wasn’t until I graduated high school and was out of that environment that I finally started to undo the damage, and it’s something I’m still working through. It would be less difficult if I didn’t encounter the same attitudes,from my own family though (usually) not as blatantly hateful.
The bitch of it is that I’m not even close to the only one who has gone through this, who has been regulated to the margins by people that should be embracing them, by people we’d like to embrace. I’ve managed to forgive many of the people that tormented me because I know that their behavior was learned and that they, like the rest of us, internalize white supremacist thinking. But, I’m still angry. I’m angry about the rampant anti-blackness in native communities, and it doesn’t have to be people outright erasing me or abusing me. Sitting by silently while other people shit all over us is enough to let me know where people really stand. Expecting us to just swallow our pain while we’re regulated to the margins is enough to let me goddamned know where people really stand.
And, a lot of tumblr NDNs let me know exactly where they stood when that dust up happened back in the fall. I remember, can still feel, all of the pain and anger and resentment like I was right back in school with a crowd of students telling me that I was a nigger bitch and my lips were too big. I was back in the kitchen when my Grandma, a Native woman, told me that she didn’t trust or feel comfortable around “coloreds.” I was back in the car when my aunt told me about my uncle, both Native, accusing her of being a nigger lover because she’d had a child with a black man. A child she of which she was so ashamed of that she didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant and then left at the hospital to be taken in by CPS.
And, here are a bunch of Native people on tumblr denying or minimizing the anti-black strains in our communities or just straight up spewing some truly outrageous, hateful, racist bullshit all over my dash and reminding me exactly where the fuck my black ass stands. Cut to today, and I see that many of these people are generally well-liked and well-regarded by many in the self-proclaimed “tumblr NDN community.” I see that many of these people were not held accountable by a large portion of the “tumblr NDN community.” And, I see that there’s still not a place for me in said community. So, like I told Jal, I do what I always do. I make my own community, and I’m really glad to have connected with some cool ass NDN and/or Black people on tumblr.I can’t thank you enough for sharing this. <3
Thank you, Jal, for posting this. And thank you to others who have publicized it.
I followed only one Native blog when this hailstorm of anti-blackness was going on and, until now, had no idea that it was even a storm. I only saw one person’s reblogs and, so, only know of one blog that was spewing anti-black venom. (Not that that’s an excuse, if anybody wants to tell me about others, I’ll be happy to side-eye them for the rest of eternity)
Let me be straightforward and say that if I ever do something/have done something that makes it seem like I am not in complete support of and solidarity with black natives…. even reblogging someone who has said some anti-black shit in the past, please do not hesitate to let me know.
I want to be extremely clear that I don’t support any anti-black sentiment within the native community or anywhere else and I don’t want to be supporting folks who have expressed anti-black sentiments apologetically. If I ever seem to be, it is unwittingly and it is 100% safe to let me know. I know that I slip-up sometimes and I genuinely want to know when that happens so I can apologize and never do it again.
I would like to second what ihavethisblog said for myself.
I understand what sofriel and ihavethisblog are trying to express with this idea, BUT I NEED to say that I think that another important point is that black NDNs shouldn’t be responsible for telling you when you’ve fucked up, nor should they feel obligated to educated you on why or how. It doesn’t matter that you’ve announced that it’s “safe” to tell you these things precisely because it is not you that gets to define things as safe for black NDNs. This idea removes the responsibility for being able to identify anti-black NDN things away from non-black NDNs and back onto the shoulders of black NDNs. Instead of just saying “I don’t support any anti-black sentiment within the native community”, there needs to be actions on your part, whatever that might be— like going back through your own blog to see if you fucked up, or telling other people off when they have done something violent against black NDNs. Just some advice about how I read your comments.
Thank you for this reminder. I agree completely with what you have written.
